Meet the... Murderous Maths Characters
PONGO MCWHIFFY and VERONICA GUMFLOSS
Pongo runs his own DeLuxe Burger Bar. He never has time for a shower as he's always trying to invent a new flavour such as brussel sprout and marmalade or kippered tangerine burgers. His main ambition is to attract the attentions of the terribly lovely Veronica Gumfloss. Sadly for him, Veronica usually has someone better in store such as a hunky Australian cousin or the local football team.
Pongo appears in almost all the MM books.
URGUM the AXEMAN
Urgum lives in a cave in the Lost Desert and like all good barbarians, he spends his time playing ridiculously dangerous games and getting into pointless fights with his friends Mungoid the Ungoid, Grizelda the Grisly and Hunjah the Headless.
GRIZELDA the GRISLY
Urgum appears in almost all the MM books and you can play with him at
Urgum and Grizelda's Headhunt
Urgum, Grizelda and Mungoid are also the heroes of a series of novels, you'll find more details at Urgum's website
THE EVIL GOLLARKS
The Gollarks are very very evil aliens from the planet Zog. They have arrived fully prepared with ray guns and sandwiches, and are all set to conquer the universe! Utterly merciless, they will sabotage calculators and will even kick over waste paper baskets. Unfortunately for them, Earth often has unexpected dangers they hadn't expected including the fact that you can zap them with your tv remote control.
The Gollarks have appeared in almost every MM book and you can see a real one
THE GREAT RHUNN
The Great Rhunn of Jeppahti is the richest man that ever lived and the tales of his fabulous wealth are the stuff of legend. He lives in a massive golden palace so big that to ride all the way around it takes a team of horses. In fact it needs so many horses that just to ride around the stables takes another team of horses. Anyone who falls foul of the Great Rhunn is immediately fed to his triple-tongued pet, the Ghingi.
The Great Rhunn first appeared in More Murderous Maths with a special mystery magic square. You'll find one of his problems at Brainbending Puzzles
THE MAYOR of FASTBUCK
The Foul City of Fastbuck is run by the councillors headed by the Mayor. No expense is spared on their expenses as they all work tirelessly on going on dream "fact-finding" holidays and having posh meals. It's just a shame there's nothing left to spend on fixing up the hospital, schools, sewage system etc.
The character of the lazy pompous overpaid Mayor is based on a real person. If you think it's you and you're upset by this, then the Murderous Maths series will all have been worthwhile.
BLADE BOCCELLI and DOLLY SNOWLIPS
Blade and his two brothers Porky and One-Finger Jimmy have formed an uneasy truce with the four Gabrianni brothers Weasel, Chainsaw Charlie, Half-Smile and Numbers.
They meet at Luigi's Diner (it's the only place that will serve them) where they plan daring robberies with the help of Dolly Snowlips. Above all they try to avoid Ma Butcher and her assistant Long Jake and of course the crooked Lieutenant Ptchowski.
Porky is best known for the time that he held off the East Side gang armed only with a teaspoon and a paper serviette while Half-Smile is so scary, his mum had his baby photos taken in the dark. One-Finger Jimmy got that way after a particularily vicious game of snakes and ladders.
Blade and his friends appeared on the cover and then the opening pages of the very first MM book and they have have appeared in every MM book since.
RIVERBOAT LIL and BRETT SHUFFLER
Down at the Last Chance saloon, Brett Shuffler is always on the look out for someone to cheat, but Riverboat Lil never lets him get away with it! Lil has sneaky playing cards, odd dice and a whole range of tricks to ensure she'll never lose.
Caitlyn dressed as Riverboat Lil for World Book Day 2021.
Watch out for her swamp adder!
Lil and Brett first appeared in "Do You Feel Lucky?" and have made regular appearances since.
You can try one of Lil's tricks at Riverboat Lil's Mindreader
THE PHANTOM X
Stuck on a really tough problem? Then you need help from... the mysterious Phantom X. Nobody knows his real name, although we suspect that the X could stand for xylophone.
The Phantom is our algebra specialist, in fact he's such a specialist that he only appears in his own book The Phantom X
THE PURE MATHEMATICIANS
Orange nylon shirts, dandruff, one trouser leg tucked into a sock and covered in ink stains, these are the happiest people on the planet because there are so many lovely sums to solve. Nothing gets in their way to find answers, whether it involves going to prison after their speed tests, dressing up as superheroes to solve trigonometry problems or having a punch up to decide where the centre of a triangle is.
The Pure Mathematicians are loosely based on the real people who act as consultants for the MM books! You can find their answers to lots of odd questions in The Research Lab
THAG the MATHEMAGICIAN
Thag is a wizard from the old days and is one of the few people to really appreciate the awesome magic power of maths.
Thag was one of the original MM characters and first appeared winning at cards against Colonel Cancel and the Valiant Vector warriors in the first MM book. He came back in several of the later books to help explain probability and algebra equations and he even uses trigonometry to outwit Urgum and Grizelda. His name comes from a real old mathematician: Py-THAG-oras!
The Colonel and Dutchess try to maintain standards at Fogsworth Manor despite the clottish Binky Smallbrains, the sickly Primrose Poppet, the caddish Rodney Bounder and the creepy Croak the Butler. Auntie Crystal plays the harpsicord up in their attic when she's not doing wheelies on her steamroller across the croquet lawn.
The Fogsworths have appeared in almost all the MM books, but be warned - in NUMBERS the Dutchess has her portrait painted in the traditional style!
POSKITT, REEVE and MISS EDWARDS
These are all the real people responsible for making the MM books and you can find more about them at Who Writes and Draws Murderous Maths?
PROFESSOR M FIENDISH
Har har! At last, you've pushed down past that crowd of nobodies and found your way to the main part of this page so you can read about the true STAR of Murderous Maths.
Of course nobody else has the talent or skill to describe my wonderousness, so they begged me to put in a few words about myself but it wasn't easy! If I were to truly do justice to my brilliantness, handsomeness, loveliness and general fabness, this page would be so big that it would clog up the ENTIRE internet.
Here are the main details that everyone should know off by heart:
Most fun page on the internet: Professor Fiendish's Tricks and Games
Favourite book: Professor Fiendish's Diabolical Brainbenders
Pet: pig called Truffles
Most interesting stain on shirt: green egg curry
Best invention: The Fiendish Angletron
Appearances: every MM book
Silliest game: Grub Squish
Favourite irritating little flashy blob colour: green.
Thanks to Thomas Fung of Hong Kong - it was his suggestion that we should make a character page!
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